The Day Before
by madladypoet
Summary: This story follows each of the scientists on the day before they go into space before the launch of Icarus II.
1. Chapter 1

_Dinner_

The Icarus II crew had just completed their round of press interviews and photos when the group settled down to dinner at their favorite restaurant. The restaurant's owner, thrilled to have the most famous group of scientists in the world at his place, closed the bistro down for the evening just for them. Capa, Kaneda, Corazon, Cassie, Trey, Mace, Searle and Harvey were still running on adrenaline from the worldwide attention and sitting down at the table reminded them of what each day would bring—sitting down to a meal with just each other for company. The scientists looked at each other and sat through an uncomfortable silence until Corazan broke the silence.

"Well, I guess I know what dinner is going to be like every night for three years." Said Corazon jokingly hoping to break the silence.

Everyone smiled wanly, but no one responded. Finally, Searle begin to talk about the effects of zero gravity on their psyche and the entire group began to open up. As the drinks and food were served, each crew member laughed, kidded and joked with each other. Corazon looked at each face and smiled. Getting through the next three years of dinner in space would be easy as long as they talked shop. Any other topic would be a recipe for disaster, especially the fact that none of them may make it home.

So the crew members decided to toast merry and enjoy their last night on earth. As dusk turned into darkness, each rose to go their own way—for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

_Mace_

Mace left the restaurant and drove directly to his ex-wife's house. Their divorce, now three years old, had been angry at best and bitter at worst. Even worse, Mace thought to himself as he steered through achingly familiar streets, his little girl had been caught in the middle. His ex, Jennifer, had used the child as a pawn to get more alimony from her ex-husband as his fame grew when the Icarus II project was announced. Mace, fearing that he would lose his daughter, instructed his lawyer to give Jennifer whatever she wanted. In the end, Mace was left with nothing, but he won joint custody with his daughter and that was all he wanted.

Parking across the street from his old home, Mace killed the engine and lights and stared into the darkness. After this visit, he would not see his little girl again for three years. She would be nine years old then. Would she remember him? Would that give Jennifer enough time to turn his daughter against him? Would Jennifer try to replace him with another man? Just the thought of that set his teeth on edge. He knew that his daughter would one day grow up and get married, but he never wanted another man to act as her father. Taking a deep breath, Mace got out of the door and walked across the street to his ex-wife's house. As he got ready to knock on the door, it suddenly swung open to reveal Jennifer. Mace had avoided any contact with his ex-wife during his last three months of training. He had his sister bring his little girl to visit him at his new apartment. For tonight's visit, Jennifer had requested that Mace visit their daughter at their old home. Mace, not wanting a confrontation before he left, agreed to visit his daughter there. Mace's sister encouraged him to try and get along with Jennifer and visit his child at her own home. After all, his sister reasoned, time heals all wounds.

His sister had never been cheated on. For the past two years, Mace had tried to block out the image of his ex-wife straddling his best friend on their martial bed. Jennifer had begged Mace for forgiveness saying that his long work hours had left her hungry for attention. Mace was a doggedly loyal man to whatever he committed himself to, but he could not forgive her. He filed for divorce and that is when things turned ugly. Jennifer had kept Mace from seeing his daughter for six months. Even worse, she moved her new lover, Mace's ex-best friend into their home. Mace had nearly beaten the guy to death when he found out. He would never forget the look on his daughter's face. She was cowering in the corner as Mace pummeled her godfather while his wife was screaming into the phone that Mace was going to kill them all. She was so afraid that night and Mace could barely look himself in the mirror afterward. Once he gave in to Jennifer's demands, Mace spent as much time as possible rebuilding his relationship with his daughter. Saying good-bye, Mace reflected as time wound down, was going to be painful.

Yet, nothing was going to be as painful as seeing his ex-wife. Jennifer stood in the door frame looking at Mace and he had to admit that she was still one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Smiling wanly at him, Jennifer stood aside and gestured for Mace to come in. Mace walked in and stood in the hallway. Jennifer closed the door and turned to her ex-husband and for a moment the two stared at each other. Finally, Mace broke the silence.

"Where's Trisha?" he asked, trying to keep his annoyance out of his voice. "I wanted to see her before she went to bed."

"She's upstairs in her bedroom." replied Jennifer, looking at Mace as though she had never seen him before.

Mace started up the stairs when Jennifer put a restraining hand on his arm. Mace looked down and jerked his hand away. Her touch reminded him of how much he hated her and how long it had been since he had had sex. Mace had tried to date other women, but his rage at his ex-wife had made that impossible. Jennifer's touch reminded him that he still had sexual needs. Maybe after visiting with his little girl, he would go and find a woman for one last fling before three years of imposed abstinence. His neighbor, Jessica, had always offered to bed him whenever he needed it. Yet Mace somehow suspected that their fling would find its way to the National Enquirer.

"Mace" said Jennifer, "before you see Trish, I need to say something to you."

Mace sighed deeply. He really didn't want to have a conversation with his ex-wife. He was done talking to her. Mace was secretly relishing the day his daughter turned 18. That would be the day he wouldn't have to deal with Jennifer anymore.

Mace glared at Jennifer. "What is it?" "I don't have a lot of time before Trish goes to bed."

Jennifer glared back. "This will only take a minute."

Mace walked back down the stairs and stood in front of his ex-wife. "What?"

"Trish loves you." said Jennifer spreading his arms. "She wants to know that you are coming back."

Mace glared at his ex-wife. "Of course, I'm coming back." "Why wouldn't I?"

Jennifer sighed and shook her head. "Mace, you're going to be gone for years." "It is going to be easy for her to lose track of time."

"It won't be so easy for her to lose track of time." retorted Mace through gritted teeth, "if you remind her that she has a father who is crossing the universe to keep her alive."

Jennifer cocked her head to one side and looked at Mace as if she had never really seen him before.

"Are you really doing it for her?" said Jennifer "or are you doing it to get away from me?"

Mace felt his blood boil. Jennifer knew all of his weak spots and targeted them beautifully. He walked over to his ex-wife until they were nearly body-to-body. It took all of his control not to hit her. He had never hit a woman in his life, but now Jennifer had gone too far.

"Trish is my life." said Mace trying to calm himself. "I am doing this for her." Turning back to the stairs, Mace paused at the first step and looked at Jennifer. "I stopped caring about you a long time ago when you betrayed me." Without looking back, Mace walked up the stairs to his daughter's room. Gently, he knocked on her door. Hearing her soft voice call come in, Mace opened the door and walked in.

Trish was sitting on her bed reading a book when Mace walked in. She looked up and her face broke into a wide grin.

"Daddy!" she screamed and ran into Mace's arms. He scooped her up and buried his face in her hair. He never wanted to let her go and never wanted this moment to end. "Daddy," she whispered, "I didn't think you were coming."

Mace gently placed his daughter on the bed and looked her in the eye. "I would never miss out on seeing you, baby."

"But daddy," said Trish tearfully, "you were gone before." "You were gone for a long time. Mommy says that you are leaving again."

Mace winced that Trish still remembered his six month absence from her life. Now, he was leaving her for even longer. Would she remember him when he returned? Would she hate him for leaving? Would she understand why he was going? Mace looked at his crying daughter and felt a million thoughts going through his head. He leaned over and gently wiped her tears away. Then he sat on the bed beside her.

"Baby," he began quietly, "I am leaving again, but I am going to the sun." "Do you know what the sun is?"

She nodded and seemed to be calming down, so Mace continued.

"The sun is sick and needs our help, so my friends and I are going to help it."

"But why do you have to go?" asked Trish.

"Because my friends and I are the best people to help the star" replied Mace.

"Are you going to be gone a long time?" asked Trish.

"Yes," said Mace softly stroking her hair, "But I will be thinking of you every day." "I promise that I won't lose track of time."

Trish smiled and wrapped her arms around her father. Mace picked up his daughter and sat on her bed. Leaning against her headboard, he cradled her in his arms. Together, father and daughter fell asleep for the last time.


	3. Chapter 3

_Searle_

After the dinner party, Searle drove home and found his wife sitting in front of the fireplace staring into the flames. She looked anguished as if she could see the end of her life coming. Searle approached his wife cautiously, understanding that the wrong move could send her into a deeper depressive mood. She looked up at Searle as if she had never seen him before and he immediately understood that she stopped thinking of him as being alive. His wife had begged him not to leave her for the mission to the sun, yet Searle felt that he had no choice but to go. If there was a chance for the sun to be reignited, then Searle needed to be a part of it. Searle had spent his career doing extensive work on deep sensory deprivation and his creation of the earth room had made him the top candidate for the position of the psych officer on the mission. Yet, by going away, he was leaving behind the most important woman in his life and a woman who depended on him for emotional safety.

Searle sat across from his wife and as gently as possible moved her chin to meet his eyes. The moment their eyes made contact, tears began to form in her eyes and she got up to ran away from him. Searle caught her and pulled her into his arms. For a moment, she fought him before sinking into his arms and crying. Picking her up, Searle cradled her and walked back to the cushions in front of the fireplace. Searle was stroking his wife's hair as she buried her face so deep in his chest it was as if she was trying to bury herself in him. To bring her out of her deep funk, Searle began speaking softly.

"Baby, you can't keep doing this to yourself." he whispered. "You're strong." "You can make it through anything."

For a moment, Searle thought he had gotten through to her. She had stopped crying and her breathing had slowed down to a few ragged breaths. Lying against Searle's chest, she finally spoke.

"You're wrong." said Susanna who had been Searle's wife for five years. "I'm only that strong because of you."

"Susanna. . ." Searle began.

Sitting up to face him, Susanna looked at Searle angrily. "Do you remember how we met?"

Yes, he did. They were both faculty members at Northwestern when Searle spied the beautiful brunette during a faculty party. Unable to find the courage to speak to her, Searle merely watched from a distance. He would see her around campus, but she always seemed to avoid interaction with him or any other faculty member. He would watch her walking alone on campus with long dark hair hiding her from the world. It should not have been a surprise when a few weeks later, he was called to the hospital by the dean of the university. Susanna had tried to commit suicide and the college wanted Searle to find a way to help her. She was not only a popular faculty member with her students; she was also a well-known author. Her fame brought in a lot of students who wanted to study with the famous authoress and her creative writing program was considered one of the best in the country. Looking at her lying cuffed to a bed, the dean had a hard time believing that someone so beautiful and accomplished would try to kill herself. Searle knew better. His years of training had taught him that some of the most accomplished people also carried around the biggest demons. Overachievers, in the classic sense, are not suicidal, but use accomplishments to hide their pain. Ironically, thought Searle, Susanna fit that archetype perfectly.

Searle remembered walking into Susanna's room as if it were happening right now. She stared at him with eyes that were completely empty. Whatever scars she bore, Searle knew they ran deep. She looked at Searle and asked a question that had kept him up every night since then.

"Why didn't they let me die?" asked Susanna.

She asked this question without tears and recriminations. She simply wanted an answer to the question. So instead of answering the obvious, Searle asked one of his own.

"Do you think so little of those you would leave behind that you would choose to harm yourself in this way?" asked Searle.

Susann tried to laugh, but only a hollow sound emerged. For the first time, Searle noticed a spark in her eyes. She seemed to enjoy being challenged by Searle.

"Who would care?" she asked mirthlessly. "My mom who is so consumed by my brother's disability she doesn't know I am alive." "My father who never thought I was good enough no matter how much I tried to accomplish."

"What about your colleagues, your students, your friends, your boyfriend?" asked Searle, throwing in the last question to satisfy his curiosity.

But Susanna refused to answer that question and merely stared at him with contempt. Moving on, Searle told her that the dean of the university had asked Searle to treat Susanna. She looked at him with genuine amusement and said, "Let the games begin."

Two years later, they were married. Searle remembered that day as the happiest of his life. Unfortunately the sun began to die and Searle was asked to join Icarus II. Now he and his wife were at an emotional impasse. Realizing that Susanna was waiting for his answer, Searle met her angry eyes with his own impassive ones, trying to calm her down.

"Yes," he stated, "I do remember, but I also remember how hard you fought to get better."

She looked at him with sympathy as if she alone understood what was happening. Leaning forward, she whispered in his ear to share her secret, "I only got better because I loved you so much."Gently, she pressed her lips to his ear, then his cheek, and finally his lips. Searle was lost in a sea of sensations that he knew he would never experience again. Gripping his wife's head, he deepen the kiss until they both fell back into the cushions.

_The next day_

Searle awoke the next morning to the unexpected brightness of the morning sky. It had been snowing for the last six months and the snow reflected what sunlight was still left in the sky. The effect caused snow blindness in most who did not wear reflective glasses. Still, it was a welcome sight to see the sun's brightness. Searle planned several experiments with the sun's brightness as the ship drew closer to the sun, and he was looking forward to that distraction to help him through the three long years ahead. Focusing his eyes, Searle caught the sight of his wife, standing naked in front of the window. The sunlight bathed her body and she looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her. Turning she smiled at him, "It's time to get ready." "You have a big day ahead of you." By the time, Searle had gotten ready, his wife was sitting at the table, dressed in a robe and sipping a cup of coffee. Seeing him, she got up and smiled.

"Are you sure that you don't want me to go to the launch?" she asked.

"No," said Searle, "It would be better for me if you are not there."

Smiling, she pressed her lips against his and hugged him so fiercely that he could scarcely breathe. Releasing him, she stood back as Searle left their house for the last time. Listening for the car, Susanna heard the engine turn on and her husband pull out of the driveway. Humming to herself, she went to her office and pulled out her latest manuscript. It was a fiction work called Sunshine about 8 astronauts who travel on a mission to restart the sun. Leafing through the pages, Susanna smiled to herself and thought, this is my best work yet. Gently, she laid her manuscript on the desk and sat in her chair. Many a night, she had been working at her desk and Searle always came in with a cup of tea and shoulder massage. Reaching to her shoulder, Susanna half expected to feel his strong hands on her shoulders, but he wasn't there. She hung her head. He would never be there again.

Opening her drawer, Susanna calmly took out a pistol. It was time to say good-bye. Standing up, she took off her robe and stood next to the window allowing the sunlight to bathe her body one last time. Putting the pistol to her head, she pulled the trigger. Her last thought was of Searle and how she would join him in a place of sunshine.


	4. Chapter 4

_Harvey_

Harvey left the dinner in a somber mood. Despite the jokes and laughs he shared with his crew mates, Harvey sat at the table with a heavy heart. Unlike the others who volunteered for this mission, Harvey was forced to go by his bosses at NASA. Well, thought Harvey, as he steered through traffic, he wasn't exactly forced. He had a choice: go on the mission or find another job. With a wife and child to support in a bad economy, leaving a lucrative job with good benefits was not an option. Harvey's wife, Sandra, had begged her husband to leave his job and not go on this mission.

"Please," pleaded Sandra, staring at Harvey with those brown eyes that always made him melt. "We have my job and can make it until you find another."

But in a world where the biggest source of energy was dying, jobs were harder to come by. The world economy had begun to shrivel as resources, such as food and oil, became non-existent. World superpowers, such as Russia, the United States and China, found their populations die by the millions, and those who survived did so under the most extraordinary circumstances. Harvey did not want his family to suffer because his own weakness. That weakness stood about 5'2, had wavy black hair and dark brown eyes and had been his wife for the last seven years and despite his job at the NASA, the two had rarely been apart for more than a month at a time. The mission to the sun was extremely dangerous and required Harvey to be gone for about three years, if he made it home at all.

"Sandra," whispered Harvey as he turned into the driveway of his house. "I can't live without you."

Turning off the car engine, Harvey got out and proceeded to walk to the porch of his home. The temperature gauge on the porch read about -16 degrees. Harvey tapped on the gauge, but the temperature did not seem to drop any further. Well, thought Harvey, this is turning out to be a warm evening. Killing the lights, Harvey stared out into the darkness. The snow and ice glistened off of the house lights and for a moment, Harvey was mesmerized. As a child, he had always loved the snow, but now, he would give anything to see the ground. Sandra had always teased Harvey about his love of snow and unknown to him, she had taken up skiing and other winter sports he loved just to share that with him. He loved that about her. That she loved him enough to share his interests. Although Sandra ended up with a broken leg for her efforts, she told Harvey that skiing with him was the best time she had ever had.

Sandra, thought Harvey, how am I going to live without you?

As if she could hear Harvey's thoughts, Sandra opened the front door and stepped out into the cold, calling for him.

"Harvey," she asked, querying for him, "what are you doing in the car?" From his seat, Harvey could see Sandra peering into the car, looking for him. Harvey smiled and got out of the car. Leaving the warm car for the frigid cold air left Harvey gasping for air. Sandra grinned and ran into his arms. Wrapping her arms around him, Harvey breathed in her smell. This would be the last night, for several years, that he would hold his wife in his arms. As he reflected on the unfairness of his predicament, Sandra held him tighter and whispered, "It'll be okay." Looking up at Harvey, she grinned, "I know that you will find your way back to me."

Harvey held his wife close for a moment and then arm-in-arm, they walked inside.

_2 a.m._

Sandra got up from their bed and wrapped her robe tightly around her. Pausing, she stared at Harvey's sleeping form. In a couple of hours, he would be gone and they would not see each other for at least three years.

If he made it back at all.

Sandra closed her eyes and banished that thought from her mind. But every day, the fear of losing Harvey on this mission became stronger. In the seven years they had been married, Harvey had been on exactly five missions and each time Sandra knew that he was coming back to her alive, but this time was different. This was a mission to the sun where another crew had already been and died trying to restart it. Sandra knew that the odds of Harvey returning to her were very slim, yet she had to hold on to the hope that she would be granted a miracle.

Walking to her office, Sandra stood for a moment in the darkness. Her office had the best views of their back yard in the entire house. Sandra watched the snow falling mesmerized by its beauty. Shaking her head to clear it, Sandra walked to her desk and unlocked the drawer. Reaching in, Sandra grabbed the package she had been working on since Harvey told her about the mission. Sitting down, she ran her fingertips over the envelopes and pressed the paper against her lips. Sighing deeply, she stood up and walked back into the bedroom. Harvey was still asleep and stirred only slightly when Sandra unzipped his suitcase. Removing some of his clothes, Sandra kissed the letters and placed them in the suitcase. Putting his clothes back, Sandra shut the suitcase and walking over she went to bed. In the morning, she would wake up and make Harvey breakfast for the last time. In the twilight of sleep, she dreamed of Harvey, flying at 29,000 miles per hour, reading his letters. He would know that she loved him and that would bring him home.


	5. Chapter 5

_Corazon_

Corazon drove home from the dinner in a great mood. She felt uplifted by the camaraderie between her ship mates and herself. Although she knew that Kaneada was worried about their chances of survival, Corazon refused to allow herself to think that way. They were going to the sun; they were going to restart it and they were going to make their way home. She knew the chances were slim, but she had to have a positive outlook. That is how Corazon defined her life: by thinking positively. That attitude is what got her through so many difficult situations in her life. Corazon shook her head as if she was going to clear it. She did not want to think about the past. It was too painful. Instead she concentrated on the present and taking care of her babies.

Pulling into the driveway, Corazon jumped excitedly out of her car and ran into the house. Walking through the door, she grabbed her watering can and took off her coat in one movement. Reaching the back of the house, she walked into her greenhouse and turned on the light. The room was covered in green plants. Corazon knew that she should have given her plants away a long time ago, but she couldn't part with them just yet. Her plants were her babies and as far back as she could remember, she had always felt that way about the natural world.

As a little girl, Corazon would spend hours in the garden behind her house. While her parents were inside fighting over her father's drunkenness and her family's lack of money, Corazon was finding her soul in the plants of her backyard and through there, Corazon found a way to support her family. The vegetables she grew fed her family and brought money into house. The flowers she grew brought a smile to her mother's face after mama had been beaten up by her father. Corazon's natural talent with plants got her into a good college and her experiments with growing plants in a zero gravity environment got her a job with the space program. Yet for all of her accomplishments, Corazon watched her father die of alcoholism and her mother die of physical abuse. Picking up her pruning shears, Corazon vigorously attacked one of her trees. Every time she thought of her parents, the pain of their loss made her want to attack her beloved trees. Putting her shears down, Corazon took a breath and ran her fingers through her hair. She needed to calm down. Picking up her shears again, Corazon felt the weight of them in her hand and felt her calm restored. Looking around, she took in the silence. Tonight, she wished that she was not alone. She missed Kaneada.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the crew, Corazon had been seeing Kaneada for the last year. During training, the two of them would sneak away stealing kisses in the corridors of the ship, eating lunch in the Oxygen garden, making love in her quarters. As time wore down toward the mission launch, Corazon began to pull away from Kaneada. She knew on the mission that a relationship would not be possible. Finally, she told Kaneada her true feelings and he seemed to accept her decision in his quiet way, but during their final training sessions, she would catch him watching her. Corazon wished their relationship would have turned out differently. She never allowed herself to care for any man for fear he would become her father, yet Kaneada had touched something deep in her heart that had melted her otherwise cold reserve. Yet the dying sun had killed that relationship when both were called into service.

Still, holding the shears in her hand, Corazon found herself sitting on the floor and the tears she buried when she left Kaneada finally unleashed themselves. Corazon cried for everyone she had lost. She especially cried for Kaneada. When her tears were spent, Corazon got up and put her shears back in their case. Walking around the room, she touched each plant and whispered a good-bye. The college, when Corazon was a botany professor, was coming by to pick up the entire contents of her greenhouse. Her graduate assistant, Kendra promised Corazon that she would take care of them. Corazon was going to hold her to that promise.

Shutting off the light, Corazon walked to her bedroom and without changing, jumped into bed. When she finally did fall of asleep, she dreamt not of the sun, but of endless green fields.


	6. Chapter 6

_Capa_

God, she's beautiful, thought Capa as he steered through traffic. Reflecting on dinner, Capa realized that he had gotten drunk enough to actually flirt with Cassie, much to the amusement of the rest of the team. Feeling his cheeks flush, Capa turned toward his neighborhood and wondered how he was going to handle being on the ship with Cassie for the next sixteen months. Relationships between crew members had been strictly forbidden by NASA and Capa was afraid that any attempt at a real relationship with Cassie on his part could jeopardize the mission.

Christ, thought Capa, the damn mission. Capa, like the other crew members, had been extensively interviewed before any of them could be cleared for the mission. Each crew member underwent extensive psychological evaluations that included therapy sessions that taught them how to deal with the affects of living in space, overcoming depression and anxiety and how to cope with time away from their loved ones. Unlike the other crew members, Capa was not leaving a significant other behind. He was not married like Harvey and Searle or involved like Kanaeda and Corazon or had a child like Mace. Capa knew that he would miss his parents, sister and nephew, but he had to admit that it made him a little depressed that he had no one of his own before he left. Oh, there were plenty of girls interested, especially once the Icarus project was announced, yet Capa could not bring himself to be interested in any of them. Like Mace, he knew these women were only interested in him for his fame and not even the promise of sex was enough to make Capa risk a relationship.

But Cassie was different. To be with Cassie, Capa would have risked anything, including the mission for the chance to tell her how he felt. Turning into his parents' driveway, Capa killed the engine and thought about the irony of it. He had spent a great deal of his youth working on his career. Since the age of 15, Capa was a star pupil in science at Oxford. At 19, he graduated with the first of many degrees and by the age of 26, he created a bomb that would eventually be used to restart the sun. During that time, Capa had only been involved with two women and both women were as career obsessed as he. Yet Capa always thought that time was on his side. Once Capa accepted the mission, he gave up on the idea that he would ever fall in love. Then on the first day of training, he met Cassie.

Cassie was joking with Searle and Trey when Capa walked in the room. She had her back to Capa so he did not see her face right away. However, Capa had it on good authority from a friend at NASA that half of the single men at the agency were vying for Cassie's hand. Yet Cassie was also considered one of the best pilots at NASA, so despite the doubts about her youth, NASA officials ultimately relented and named Cassie the pilot of the Icarus II. Capa was impressed with her credentials and also with the fact that they were the same age and highly accomplished. Truth be told, Capa was looking forward to making a new friend and someone he could relate to on the ship. Then, Cassie turned around.

At once, Capa found himself return to his geeky 15 year old self rather than the 26 year old science whiz that he was. He managed to mumble a hello and shake her hand while she stared at him with some amusement. After that, Capa found himself watching her obsessively. He loved the way she wore her hair in braids or how she obsessively read every work by Jane Austen and would quote from them verbatim in conversation. He loved her warmth and kindness and how she could thaw even the iciest personalities, like Mace (who admitted to Capa that he thought Cassie was pretty hot, but that she was probably like every other woman he knew. Capa tried not to gag every time Mace brought up his ex-wife. Capa thought that Mace should get over his divorce already.)

Yet he could never bring himself to ask Cassie out. Perhaps he was still a fifteen year old geek at heart who could never bring himself to talk to the pretty girl even though she was nice to him. Perhaps it was his fear of ruining Cassie's chances for going on the mission if their relationship was discovered. No, thought Capa sitting in the car, as snow began to gather on the windshield, it was because of Kanaeda and Corazon.

The entire crew knew about Kanaeda and Corazon's relationship and tried to help the lovers cover up their relationship from the prying eyes of NASA. But with all of the publicity surrounding the Icarus II project, there was no way of keeping an affair between crew members a secret. While neither Kanaeda nor Corazon believed that anyone else knew about their affair, Capa knew that Corazon had ended the relationship, but Capa had also heard disquieting rumors that the couple had been forced apart by NASA. Watching them, Capa knew that each was suffering greatly and he could not bear to have his heart broken that way. So Capa maintained his distance and tried to content himself with admiring Cassie from afar. That all changed at dinner.

During his last night on earth, Capa got drunk, mindbogglingly drunk. He was not proud of it, but considering that he was going to spend the next sixteen months in space and perhaps not come home at all, he felt he was due. Sitting next to Cassie, he spent the entire evening coming onto her. Frankly, thought Capa getting out of the car, it was not his finest hour and a look from Mace told Capa that maybe he needed to quit while he was ahead. To his surprise, Cassie asked Capa to dance.

Capa hated dancing. He still had nightmares about dances at grammar school where a geeky little science nerd sat and watched the football players dance with the pretty girls. Girls like Cassie. Capa wished for anything other than dancing, but the merriment in Cassie's eyes and the fact that she asked him compelled him toward the dance floor. Once on the floor, Capa had no idea where to put his hands or even how to move, so he allowed Cassie to take the lead. Putting her arms around him, Cassie led Capa on a slow dance for the first time in his life. Looking into her eyes, Capa never wanted this moment to end until Cassie asked him an unexpected question.

"Capa," quizzed Cassie "Why have you never asked me out?"

Capa was startled. He stumbled for an answer. For a man who always had the right answer, Capa could not find an equation that would provide a satisfactory answer, so he decided to use Occum's Razor and provide the simplest answer possible.

"I don't know" replied Capa "I think I was afraid."

Cassie looked at him strangely. "Afraid of what?" she asked.

"Afraid that you would say no." responded Capa. "Afraid that I would fall in love with you and then have to give you up."

Cassie's brown eyes soften to tears and a single drop fell down her cheek. She managed to look at Capa with sadness.

"Capa," she said "you're an idiot." "Why not enjoy whatever time we had left?"

"Time is relative, Cassie" pointed out Capa. "No human being ever has enough of it when they want it the most."

"That's why." retorted Cassie. "you value the time given to you."

"But . . ." began Capa, but Cassie wouldn't let him finish.

"Stop thinking like a physicist, Capa." said Cassie who couldn't seem to finish what she wanted to say.

For a moment, the two stopped moving. Instead they stared at each other and for one heartstopping moment, Capa thought they were going to kiss, but rather Cassie leaned up and kissed Capa on the cheek and laid her head against his chest. They did not speak for the rest of the night, in its place, they finished their dance and walked back to the table where they joined the crew in making merriment for the evening. When the evening ended, Cassie was the first to leave. She did not address Capa directly, but squeezed his hand as she left the table. Capa got up soon after and drove home.

Sitting in his bedroom, Capa could hear the sound of the wind blowing. He had few regrets, but Cassie was the biggest. She was right; he should have asked her out. Sighing, Capa fell back on his bed and covered his eyes. Sleep would not come easy tonight, he thought, but he was wrong. Within a few minutes, Capa fell into an alcohol-induced stupor and as he always did, he dreamed of the surface of the sun. This time, he was not falling toward it alone. Cassie was there and they were falling together as space and time melted away.


	7. Chapter 7

_Captain Kanada_

After dinner, Kanada, unlike the other crew members, decided not to go home and instead calmly walked the city streets. Snow was falling heavily and a total of 6 inches fell each evening, which led the city to be covered in large snow drifts. Despite growing up in Japan near the sea, Kanada found that he could easily acclimatize to cold weather. He was particularly adept at walking in snow, placing each foot carefully as if each step was going to be his last. It was how Kanada lived his life, carefully trudging through it as if he could protect himself and those around him. Kanada's life had been uneventful until Icarus II.

The fact that Kanada had been named the project captain was of no surprise to anyone. Immigrating to the United States from Japan as a child, Kanada's gifts as a scientist and his naturally calm demeanor made him a shoo-in for NASA. Training under Captain Pinbacker, Kanada was the backup captain for Icarus I in case Pinbacker was unable to take his responsibilities. Kanada and Pinbacker made an unusual pairing with the boisterous Pinbacker and contemplative Kanada often seen playing chess and smoking cigarettes between training sessions. Pinbacker and Kanada made a pact to keep their chess board up in the training area until Pinbacker returned. The day that Kanada discovered that Pinbacker and the Icarus I crew were lost; he walked over to the chess set and very carefully put all of the pieces away. He then gave the set to Pinbacker's widow, who placed it in the coffin of her late husband. Kanada attended the funeral and smiled to himself imaging how much Pinbacker would have enjoyed it. After the funeral, Kanada walked the cemetery for a long time, sometimes pausing at a particularly interesting grave stone. Kanada, like most Japanese, regarded death as an extension of life and would meet his death with no fear.

Passing into the park, Kanada faded into darkness. He could barely make out each step in front of him and the snow grew deeper the further he went into the park, gripping his calves as if it intended to drag him under. Still, Kanada walked on, willing himself to face the darkness. Suddenly, Kanada saw light and willed himself to move toward it. It was a fluorescent park light, barely visible under the heavy snow fall. Yet Kanada had to admire its tenacity. No matter how much snow fell; the light refused to give up. Finally making his way under it, Kanada found himself grateful to be under the light's warmth. Leaning against the light post, Kanada began to shiver and found that he was covered in snow. Kanada did not feel the deep cold his body was reacting to. Instead, he was thinking of his crew, especially Corazon. As the light began to shimmer, Kanada squinted into the darkness, trying to find his way out of the park and then he heard a familiar voice.

"My friend," said the voice gently, "don't go."

Looking around, Kanada sensed that he was in danger. He could not see much in the darkness, but he knew that there was a presence close to him. Unexpectedly, Kanada felt warmth on his skin, almost as though the sun was shining on him. Kanada's body stopped shivering, but his heart started pounding. He had not felt true sunshine since his childhood, yet his body and mind were telling him that indeed he was being bathed in sunlight.

"Please old friend," said the voice again, somewhat more pleadingly, "don't go."

"Who is this?" cried out Kanada losing his usual cool. Then, Kanada received a most unexpected answer.

From the shadows stepped out a figure that in his mind, Kanada knew to be dead, yet there he was—Pinbacker.

Kanada started to move and then fell, hitting his head on the lamppost. For a moment, he felt completely paralyzed as Pinbacker moved closer to him. Bending forward, Pinbacker grabbed Kanada by his arms and pulled him up. Kanada, in shock, simply stared at his old friend. Without thinking, he said to Pinbacker, "You should be dead!"

"I am dead." intoned Pinbacker. "I have been dead for a long time until I found God.

"You don't believe in God." retorted Kanada much more calmly than he felt.

"I do now." said Pinbacker. "I found him in the sunshine." "I've spoken to him."

Kanada stared at his friend, hoping that somehow this was a dream and the blow to his head was causing a halluncination. Yet, his mind told him that this was real and that Pinbacker was trying to warn him about going on the mission. Warily, Kanada approached Pinbacker and put his hand on his old friend's shoulder. The man's frame was solid and when Kanada squeezed his hand, he could actually feel flesh bunch up under his hand. Repulsed, he withdrew his hand and slowly backed away from Pinbacker. Noticing his old friend's reaction, Pinbacker stood his ground, but did not approach Kanada again.

"God told me that we were to bring people home to heaven." said Pinbacker.

Kanada felt his heart sink. While Pinbacker's words were cryptic, Kanada immediately understood the underlying meaning. Before he could open his mouth to protest, Pinbacker was gone leaving Kanada lying in a cold heap under the dwindling light of the lamp. Picking himself up, Kanada began to walk into what he thought was the direction out of the park. A few moments later, Kanada found himself at the park's entrance and began moving down the street to his car. Upon reaching it, Kanada paused next to the door and looked around. The snow was still falling heavily and the street lights were shivering under its weight, yet Kanada saw no sign of Pinbacker or the sunshine his old friend brought with him. Getting into his car, Kanada started the engine. He thought about going to Corazon's house and sharing what he saw with her, but decided to honor her wishes and let that relationship go. Kanada felt his throat tighten at the thought of her. Instead, he drove home and went to bed. In his sleep, he dreamed of Pinbacker and their chess game, only this time, they were playing on the surface of the sun.


	8. Chapter 8

_Trey_

Trey drove home to his apartment ready to go over his training once again. A true obsessive-compulsive, Trey obsessed over the smallest detail and he knew that as an engineer on the ship in charge of calculating the ship's trajectory, a lot of pressure was on him to get even the smallest calculation correct. As a result, Trey trained obsessively and had the simulation of the ship installed at his house. Captain Kanada warned Trey against overtraining, telling the younger man that by doing so, he could end up making himself completely paranoid and unable to fulfill his duties, but Trey was unable to listen. Too many lives depended on this mission going on smoothly, especially since Icarus I failed and there were no resources left to build a third bomb. Trey knew that he had to be on his game.

Getting on the treadmill, Trey set the dials for 5 and began a smooth jog that turned into a dead run. He loved the feeling of a dead run. It felt as though he were moving forward without really moving at all. Running was the only time his mind was actually clear of any thoughts at all. Yet tonight his mind was cluttered with equations, calculations and the surface of the sun. Not finishing his usual routine, Trey slowed down the machine and then turned it off. For a moment, he stood on the machine and listened. Except for the wind scrapping against the house, Trey heard nothing and for a moment, he felt completely depressed. Unlike his fellow crew members, Trey had no one special in his life. He was not a father like Mace or a lover like Kanada and Corazon or a husband like Searle or Harvey. He did not even have a crush like Cassie and Capa. For Trey, his greatest love was computers and he had always accepted it as such, but leaving on a mission where he might never return did leave him feeling a little lonely, especially tonight.

Getting off of the treadmill, Trey wiped his face down and walked toward the simulation. He stopped before he reached his chair. Tonight, he couldn't sit there and go through the same calculations. He needed to do something else, but what? Spinning his wheels, Trey thought about his next door neighbor, a pretty blonde named Jo. She had always tried to speak to him whenever they met up in the hallway, but Trey, other than articulating a few monosyllabic words, never said anything of value. Maybe, thought Trey, that should change tonight. Walking into his bedroom, Trey changed his clothes and checked his breathe. Determining that he looked as good as possible, Trey left his apartment and walked across the hall. In front of Jo's door, Trey paused and wondered if he was making a mistake. Then the door opened.

It was Jo and another girl and they seemed surprised to see Trey standing there. Instantly, Trey felt embarrassed and turned to leave, but Jo reached out and grabbed his arm. "Hey, did you need something?"

Trey turned back and managed to smile. "Nahh, I'm leaving tomorrow and wanted to say good-bye."

Jo smiled at him. "Why don't you come in?" Turning to her girlfriend, she leaned forward and kissed her on the lips and brushed the girl's hair back from her face. "I'll see you tomorrow Nancy." Nancy smiled at Trey and walked toward the elevator. Jo looked at Trey and asked, "Do you want to come in?" Trey stunned by the turn of events, merely nodded and walked into Jo's apartment. It smelled of warmth and femininity and immediately Trey was at ease. Turning to Jo, he said "I like your apartment; it's very feng shui." Jo laughed. "Yeah, I like it a lot. Do you want to sit down?"

Trey moved toward the couch and sat down. He sunk into the cushions and felt so warm that he could have fallen asleep. He was surprised that he was so tired. Kanada was right. The overtraining had gotten to Trey and he was beginning to physically feel it. Jo was still standing, looking at Trey carefully. Without saying anything, she walked into the kitchen. Trey could hear her moving around, but did not get up to help her as he should have. He was just so tired and her couch was so warm. For a moment, Trey closed his eyes and saw blackness. He was grateful. It was the first time since he had been assigned Icarus II that he did not dream of the surface of the sun. Trey was uncertain of how long he had kept his eyes closed, but when he opened them, there was a warm steamy mug of what smelled like tea. Jo was sitting across from him, sipping her own cup and smiling at him. Trey grabbed the cup of tea and took a sip. It tasted of raspberries and although Trey never liked fruity drinks, he had to admit this one was pretty good. He looked up at Jo and grinned.

"I really like this." said Trey. "Thanks."

"My pleasure." said Jo. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Out of all the times I tried to speak to you." asked Jo. "Why did you decide to come by tonight?" "Don't you leave tomorrow?"

Trey, for the first time, felt uncomfortable. She had a point. He had avoided contact with her, partially because he was leaving and partially because he had no idea how to act around women. Yet he did not want to admit that, so he merely shrugged.

With that gesture, the atmosphere in the room changed and Trey swore that he saw waves of frost coming off of Jo. She glared at him and Trey felt himself sinking back in his chair out of nervousness.

"It is because I'm gay." said Jo in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Trey felt his face redden. He had no idea that Jo was a lesbian and frankly, he didn't care. Trey never understood why some people made someone's sexual preferences an issue. Wasn't that their business? Trey sat up in his chair and looked at Jo directly.

"Let me make this clear." responded Trey in a steady tone of voice. "I don't care if you're gay, straight and anything in between." "I never spoke to you because I was embarrassed."

"By what?" asked Jo warily as if she didn't believe him.

Trey sighed deeply. "By me."

Jo's eyebrows arched and a smile seemed to dance around her face. "What about you? she asked.

"Well," Trey began, "I'm not that great at talking to girls."

Jo bit her lip to keep from laughing. "You don't say."

"Well," began Trey and they both started laughing. After the ice was broken, the two couldn't stop laughing or talking. It wasn't until light appeared through Jo's window that all conversation stopped. Trey looked at Jo and they both quietly acknowledged that it was time for Trey to leave. Getting up, Trey walked to the door. He turned to Jo and felt compelled to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Jo." Said Trey.

"For what?" she responded.

"For not saying hello more often." said Trey. "For not becoming friends sooner."

Jo just smiled at Trey and to his surprise, she put her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Trey put his arms around her and nearly cried from the human contact. This would be the last time he would have it. After one last squeeze, Trey let her go and opened the door. He thanked Jo for a great evening and started up the stairs. Jo stood there watching him and suddenly called his name.

"Hey Trey" cried out Jo. "Can you get email in space?"

Trey turned around in surprise. "No, but we can get video packages sent through satellites." "We have to provide NASA with a list of people who will be our contacts."

Jo grinned at him. "Do you mind putting me on that list?"

Trey grinned back. "No problem." He paused. "Sweet dreams Jo."

She was still smiling. "You too."

That night, Trey went to bed happier than he had felt in a long time. That night, he dreamt of Jo and her girlfriend. They were running hand-in-hand in a meadow and the sun was bright and shining in the sky.


	9. Chapter 9

_Cassie_

_Cassie wanted to move but couldn't. In fact, it took everything she had to not scream. Hiding in the earth room, she hunched down, scalpel in hand, waiting for the creature to come for her. Trey's dead body had begun to settle into rigor mortis and the lack of oxygen was causing his body to decompose faster. The smell was more than Cassie could stand, but she bore it rather than face it. Christ, thought Cassie, what was it? How did it get on board the ship? Hearing a noise, Cassie suddenly stilled. It was in the room. Cassie had the terrifying feeling that it knew she was hiding and was coming to find her. Suddenly, an arm, with shriveled and burnt flesh, broke through the wall. Screaming Cassie ran forward and stabbed the creature in the arm. It screamed in pain and Cassie ran. She kept running, but the creature still caught her and . . ._

Cassie woke up drenched in sweat and screaming. Her screams echoed through her apartment so loudly that for a moment she was convinced that she was on the ship. Quickly sitting up in bed, she realized that she was still at home and that she was safe in bed. With that realization, Cassie sank back against the pillows in relief. Slowing down her breathing, Cassie felt her body stop shaking. She thought about falling back to sleep, but realized that would be futile. Getting out of bed, Cassie walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Now fully awake, she walked back into her bedroom, grabbed the book from her bedside and went into the living room.

Settled into her favorite reading chair, Cassie opened her book and flipped through it. The book was the complete works of Jane Austen and Cassie always had a difficult time choosing which story to read. Should she pick _Pride and Prejudice_ and fall in love with Mr. Darcy all over again? Should she pick _Sense and Sensibility_ and decide which sister she is? What about _Persuasion _where Captain Wentworth and Anne found each other after several years apart? Thumbing through the pages, Cassie held the book in her hand before letting it drop to the floor. Finding her body shaking again, Cassie knew that even her beloved Austen couldn't shake the remnants of that dream. Grabbing a cover, she slipped it over her body and rested her head on the couch arm. Closing her eyes, Cassie saw the image of the creature from her dream and she reopened her eyes immediately. Who was that creature? Why would she have such a horrible dream? Why would she have that dream about Trey?

Sitting up restlessly, Cassie realized that there were no answers to that dream. Because it wasn't a dream, but a foreshadowing of things to come. Cassie was smart enough to know the risks of embarking on this voyage, yet she knew that millions of lives rested on this mission being successful and keeping her own family in mind, Cassie knew that whatever sacrifices would be worth it. Nevertheless, the fate of Icarus I was unknown, and Cassie and the rest of the crew of Icarus II knew that they could be lost among the stars if something, even if something small went wrong. Still, Cassie knew better than to think like that since fear was self-defeating. Always a positive person, Cassie told herself repeatedly that the mission was going to go just fine and that the entire crew would return home safely.

Smiling at her brand of positivism, Cassie picked up her book and thumbed through it again. She decided on _Persuasion_. While it was not Austen's best work, it was one of Cassie's favorite stories because the romance was so mature. Captain Wentworth and Anne fall in love and reunite when both are more mature and ready to actually be together. Opening to the first page, Cassie smiled and thought of Capa. Maybe she and Capa would end up with a romance like Persuasion where they would end up together after many years apart. While technically, Capa and Cassie would not be physically apart, a shipboard romance was out of the question, but maybe it could happen when they returned home. Settling into her chair, Cassie began reading until the sun came up.

_Note: Thanks to Faniwhiskers and Shining Sunny for their reviews and encouragement. It is because of them that I completed this story. I hope you guys and others who read it; enjoy it._


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